The first thing I see on my homepage (MSN.com) is that Jeter’s and A-Rod’s celebrity girlfriends are in a “spat”. Now this has to be true. It better be. I’m not reporting on jokes anymore. I think people took me seriously that I believed Brady Quinn would actually reveal signs to his defense to win the position battle over Derek Anderson. This story might be just as interesting as Gina Carano v. Cyborg. If not, more so because the average hotness weighs out better. Cyborg wouldn’t even need a strap on to fuck you in the ass (hint: she has a dick). Hudson is annoying so I can see her starting it. Or maybe she is jealous that AJ Burnett’s and CC Sabathia’s wives started a girls club and they won’t let Minka Kelly in?

In my opinion, I got to side with Minka Kelly. She’s hotter (not by much) and Jeter’s clutcher. Even though A-Rod and Hudson have the star power and probably the muscle, I just think Hudson needs breast implants. Actually, I can’t really find a solid picture of either of them. How come Jeter doesn’t nail Megan Fox? Is it because he has herpes? How come A-Rod doesn’t tear through vag like a bulldozer over a bunch of paraplegics? He just divorced his high school sweet heart and then he went after Madonna. I would need bleach after that thing touched my cock. If that thing came in my house, I’d beat it to death with a bible.

Ugh. This is so hard to choose. The real question is: Who Would You Rather Tie Down?

She's Not as Hot as I Thought

Great Picture but on Gwenyth Paltrow's Level of Annoyance.