The Giants are Terrible.

I know I wanted to go on a blogging hiatus and I’m going to…just don’t get me started on Notre Dame and Charlie Weis. But I seriously might consider going after Tom Coughlin. And all of New York media including the God awful Mike and Mike (stop sucking off the Jets and the Eagles). How does every prominent newspaper go after a defense that caused 2 interceptions and a fumble? They stepped up this week and gave up 14 points in 58 minutes of play. It was Tom Coughlin’s decision to go from a 1st and 5 to a 2nd and 2 on the botched field goal drive.
That’s the key of the game. Right there. The Giants drew a penalty and Coughlin elected to decline the penalty and take the yardage they gained (+3 yards) rather than the penalty (+5 yards and stll 1st down). He was basically saying that my team can’t go 3 yards in 1 play. Well, he was right. Because they ran the ball twice and was stuffed by the San Diego defense twice to make it 4th down and then an abortion of an attempt for a field goal occurred. Not an aborted attempt. Lawrence Tynes shat babies on the field. It was pathetic. It was a bad snap but Feagles got it down and Tynes elected to not kick the fucking ball.

So now it’s Chargers ball going the other way. When if they take that penalty, they run on first down and can open the playbook from there. Instead, they limited themselves to all of their run plays and San Diego stacked the box with 8 fellas.

Not to mention after Terrell Thomas returns an interception (a DEFENSIVE play, for all you New York writers who have lost touch with the game) to the Chargers 4 yard line. Then of course, one of the Giants 9 penalties (a sign of a poorly coached program) for 105 yards occurred. Tom Coughlin’s fucking SON IN LAW got a holding penalty and brings them back. With 2:36 left on the clock, Coughlin decides to run the ball twice and throw a conservative pass. NO SHOT AT THE ENDZONE?!? Right now, the Chargers had 2 timeouts, so I understand it. But why wouldn’t you tell Eli (the highest paid QB in the league…whom you don’t trust enough to NOT turn the ball over) if there is nothing available, eat the sack? That would give you the opportunity to burn the timeouts if there is nothing wide open. Or how about a screen pass to Hakeem Nicks which probably has gained them at least 10 yards a play? What about a dump pass to Boss who has held everything that was every thrown at him when he has been getting helmet to helmet collisions? HOW ABOUT ANYTHING IN THE FUCKING WORLD BUT JACOBS UP THE MIDDLE?!?

Brandon Jacobs has been averaging less than 4 yards a carry. 3.9 yards still is a first down every 4 attempts and therefor doesn’t consist of a bad average but I would suggest going with a play that averages a little more than 3.9 yards an attempt. Plus, he was already stuffed on that first drive that I was talking about. He’s running timid. Like he got his bell rung. I don’t understand. He hits the hole and dances around. He used to just blow through it and break arm tackles. Now he gets “tripped up” by his “shoe strings”, something I thought I’d never hear from a 6′4”, 270 pounder that runs lightning fast. He hasn’t even surpassed 100 yards a game this season. Ugh.

You have a QB worth $106 million and you can’t even trust him enough to not throw an interception in the endzone to the leading WR in the country? Or how about a big play threat like Mario Manningham or Hakeem Nicks? What about a physical anomaly like Ramses Barden? Or a guy who has held onto balls through 2 helmet to helmet collisions like Kevin Boss? I’m just saying, Tom Coughlin, if Plaxico Burress was there you would’ve thrown him a fade… If Shockey was there you would have thrown something his way… You have the fucking weapons, use them. And learn how to manage a game of when my billion dollar a year comes through (Mark Cuban, call me I need an investor), I’m going to buy the Giants and make myself the coach.

Strikeforce

Ok, so there was a huge fight on last night. I’ve been taking a blogging hiatus because I’m studying for the LSATs while comedy/blogging is taking a back seat for a while because it isn’t lucrative and it’s actually quite frustrating when the only people who read your articles just write about you sucking or being unfunny. I’m all for criticism, just let it be productive to the conversation. If you think the Yankees suck, say it. If you think the Giants are terrible, tell me. If you think I don’t know how to write and make bad jokes…go elsewhere.

Well, the fight was actually really cool considering it was on CBS. I wrote down some notes because I watched it at my house and not at a bar for once. It went like this:

(note: I turned it on during the two no-namer heavy weight match up)

(Werdum v. Silva it turned out to be)

• Man, these are some ugly mother fuckers. At least Brock can get pussy. Or he stabs the woman with his penis sword.
• This match is awful. They should’ve gotten Gina Carano to do something.
• Thank God that was over.

Next Match was Gegard Mousasi v. Sokodjou.

• Sokodjou? That sounds very anti-Semitic.
• Oh, well his first name is Terry. No wonder why they aren’t saying it.
• That dude’s name is pronounced “Gayhard”? That’s horrible. He doesn’t even look too big for a middleweight. I would get into a lot of trouble if I was introduced to him at a bar.
• Wow, Mousasi is working the African Assassin AND his “jungle fighting”
• I think I want to learn Judo.
• Mousasi won 13 in a row. He should head to the UFC.
• I guess thats why Sokodjou isn’t on the roster

Next Match

• Mayhem Miller is fighting?!? Bully Beatdown was a great show. Plus I loved his freak out on the EA Sports guys.
• Man, this introduction is a little much.
• He switched his hair around. It’s more red than black now.
• Is he dressed like Jesus?
• Wow. He dances like a tool
• They should have had Shields come out first.
• Shields looks like he is in much better shape than Mayhem. Mayhem actually looks chubby.
• Sokodjou was right on the brink of being a UFC up and comer, Mayhem was on his way out for being old.
• Shields is boring. I hate wrestlers. They just control tempo and positioning but don’t have heavy hands or submission attempts
• Wow. This match is boring. I wonder if Frank Shamrock got his braces out?
• Is Mayhem “rope-a-doping” Shields?
• Jeeze. Mayhem lost. He looks worse than Phil Baroni did in his last match.
• I guess if you rope a dope, you need to knock that dope out?

Next Match:

• I can’t wait for Fedor
• It’s been 18 minutes of commercials. I guess that is what you get on freeTV
• Mark Cuban is a genius. I need to get in touch with him for a business proposition.
• Brett Rogers is a beast. I’d like to see him against Kongo and then Brock.
• Wow. Fedor DOES look fat.
• Holy shit. Brett Rogers just broke Fedor’s nose with one punch. Deja vu v. TK?
• Fedor still looks good but Brett took round 1.
• OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.
• Fedor just ruined that big ass mo’fuckas’ day
• That was the craziest punch I’ve seen in a long time.
• Fedor is the undisputed champion of everything
• Fedor is the toughest guy out of Russia since Ivan Drago

 

 

Well those were my notes. I figured I’d update you on my current situation and get my notes out there, at least in bullet form. I don’t have time for real posts. That took 13 minutes. Alright, well I’ll be tweeting and most likely doing a liveblog once in a while. So make sure you get at me, check back randomly through the month or just come back on December 7th. Take it easy.

Max Gallner from Fire Eric Bruntlett is a Silly Jew

"Please Love My Soul-less Grandma

Look, I was going to give this kid solace amongst his Jew brethren but he didn’t respond to me. And I hate this 16 year old Faggot. So here is him with his ginger Grandmother on his barfmtzfa. I could care less and hope he dies in a pool of his Grandma’s acid reflux.

The World Series, Logicisized.

Get Used to That, America.

It’s that time again. One of the rare moments of the year that baseball importance eclipses football importance. Don’t worry it will go back to the correct way shortly. As anyone who follows sports in the slightest sense knows, its the defending champs, the Philadelphia Phillies taking on the team with the highest payroll and best record in baseball, the New York Yankees. Now, you may be asking yourself: “What are you going to tell me about the World Series that I didn’t already hear from ESPN or my local sports radio station?” and I’m here to say, “Lose weight before your knees buckle, fatty.”

I almost want to just litter this post with all of the hot WAGs that are in the game (I still think Johari Smith is busted). Or I could talk about the douchebaggery of Jimmy Rollins. Then I could put a positive twist on it and talk about how the old timers like Jeter, Pettite, Rivera and Posada are doing having one last hoorah before they all make their way out of the sport and head to the Hall of Fame. There are many side stories to this game that make it great and really, didn’t you see it coming all along? If you bet 100$ on the Yankees and the Phillies ($200 total) to be in the World Series with the 4 to 1 odds and 17 to 1 odds, you’d now be up $2,100. I wish I would’ve had that cash to blow after the first game of the season.

Well, what I want to give is an unbiased opinion on a position v. position walkthrough of the World Series. Let me stress unbiased. Ok, here’s 1 WAG:

 

The Lovely Minka Kelly

It’s going to go Phillies v. Yankees, for the mongoloids that live in vans down by the river.

Left Field: Raul Ibanez v. Johnny Damon.

This seems a lot closer than it really is. Johnny Damon is a gamer. Ibanez had one fluke season in which he hit a bunch of home runs. I STILL wouldn’t doubt that he did steroids and Mr Ibanez still hasn’t answered my open letter. If you take this single season’s stats, it’d be Ibanez. When you judge on a career and playoff history, you need to take Damon. If not for his stats, definitely for Michelle Damon.

Winner? Johnny Damon.

Center Field: Shane Victorino v Melky Cabrera.

This one is a lot easier and will get me in less trouble. I personally think Melky sucks.Victorino has some nice speed running the bases and batted .307. Melky has him beat in the power department and despite me hating him, Melky is a good defensive outfielder with a nice arm. I’m sticking with Shane even though I don’t trust Samoans.

Winner? Shane Victorino

Right Field: Jayson Werth v. Nick Swisher.

If we were judging who was a better person? Nick Swisher. Who has a hotter girlfriend? Nick Swisher. But if we are going to judge on who is a better player? Jayson Werth by a million fucking yards I happen to love Swisher and his antics. Actually, I would attribute a lot of the success the Yankees have to him and AJ Burnett for showing guys like A-Rod, Jeter and Posada that you CAN have fun and play baseball. However, Jayson Werth is having a phenomenal playoffs after having a shitty season.

Winner? Jayson Werth.

3rd Base: Pedro Feliz v. Alex Rodriguez.

This is going to be the easiest match up of the night. Alex Rodriguez is the best baseball player in the major leagues today. FACT. He is a team player who has been trying desperately to win. Everything that he has done in the past was geared towards winning a World Series and now, he’s finally here. Whether it was about the steroids, the karate chopping, the yelling at infielders trying to make pop flies, pitch tipping, etc. It’s all been about trying to make himself super human in the eyes of the fans because he wants to be the best ever. Now, after his divorce and steroid scandal, he hit rock bottom. Then he found a girl with millions of dollars of her own (read as: Not a Money Grubbing Whore) and she is gorgeous with famous parents. He can finally be at ease and lead us to the promised land

Winner? To be honest, I didn’t even know who the Phillies 3rd baseman was. I had to ask Gimp.

Shortstop: Jimmy Rollins v. Derek Jeter

Now this is the hardest matchup of the night. Rollins did slump this year while Jeter had an MVP caliber season. Rollins looks like he is the future best SS in the game but Derek Jeter is the current best shortstop. The problem coming into the season was if Jeter still had “it” on the defensive side of the ball. Well, Mark Teixiera negates that. In this one, the WAGs almost cancel each other out! (Johari Smith here you can facebook creep her!) When asked for comment an unknown Philly blogger may or may not have said the following “Yeah, the Yankees will only win if Eric Bruntlett plays! He stinks! I hope he gets fired! So I made a website! It’s called FIRE ERIC BRUNTLETT! HAHAHA! How clever of me?!?”

Winner? Jeter, I’ll take his bat any day.

2nd Base: Chase Utley v. Robinson Cano

Chase Utley IS baseball. He is arguably the only thing worth liking that came out of Philadelphia since the cheesesteak. Seriously. Philadelphia sucks It’s a shithole. I’ve been there. I played at Lincoln Financial Field for the 2006 DII Men’s Lacrosse National Championship (/brag) and it sucked. Well, I guess Rocky was okay.

Winner? Chase Utley.

1st Base: Ryan Howard v. Mark Teixiera.

Actually, this might be one of the hardest matchups. It wouldn’t be if Tex would hit the ball like everyone knows he can. I’m not sure how Howard is on the defensive side of the ball but Tex is a Gold Glover for sure. Not to mention that Tex is in the conversation for MVP as well. On the other hand, Howard has “been there and done that” while Sexy Texy is slumping ever since the playoffs started.

Winner? Howard by a close call.

Catcher: Carlos Ruiz v. Jorge Posada

This one is pretty simple. Ruiz is nothing special. I thought better of the Phillies. They have this weak of a catcher? Posada is one of the best offensive catchers in the league. His defense hinders him a slight bit but he is a Hall of Famer if he keeps these numbers up for 2-3 more seasons. And of course WAG factor

Winner? Posada by a landslide.

Starting Pitching:

Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Pedro Martinez, Joe Blanton, JA Happ v. CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, Andy Pettite, Chad Gaudin, Joba Chamberlain.

This is a lot easier than it looks. And it’s for one reason: Depth. The Phillies beat the hell out of the Yanks with depth. Cliff Lee and CC Sabathia are the reigning Cy Young Winners for the AL in the last 2 years (Cleveland Indians got a case of the frownies) are basically a wash. The game 2 starter for the Phillies is Pedro Martinez (whom the Yankees can destroy if they want) v. a very shaky Burnett. Then I imagine the Phillies give the ball to Hamels (last year’s WS MVP) and the Yanks give the ball to a very old (yet clutch) Pettite. And this is where it gets crazy. The Yankees want to pitch CC for Games 1, 4 and 7 which can get a little out of control even if he is 6′8”, 290 lbs. The Phillies have the option with going to a very good Blanton or a promising rookie Happy if need be. The Yankees are basically going to rotate their top 3 pitchers on 3 days rest for the entire series, as everyone such as Michael Kay predicts.

Winner? Phillies

Bullpen:Phillies v. Yankees

This isn’t that close of a match up. IMO, the Yankees blow the Phillies out of the water. Even though Girardi tears through relievers like Berstreet tears through toilet paper on taco night. I need to give the edge to the Yankees on the Mariano Rivera factor. Or as Justin Tuck calls him, Mister. Brad Lidge isn’t what he was last year and River is who we thought he was.

Winner? Yankees

Manager: Charlie Manuel v. Joe Girardi

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t watched enough Phillies games to know if Manuel is great. But I have watched almost every Yankees game this season and I know Girardi is bad. He misuses the bullpen is awkward situations and gives them short rest while not using any to give them long rest while his starting pitcher goes 8 innings and then pitches the next game on 3 days rest. He brought up Guzman instead of Hinske and then when Swisher choked cock he had no replacement (bases loaded 2 outs in the 9th for Swisher, rings a bell). He is fucking with Joba’s brain. And more.

Winner? Phillies

So that’s that. My “non-biased” position break down of the World Series. I’m sure someone won’t sense the sarcasm of “unbiased” and have something to say sooner or later. But my prediction? Yankees in 6. Now, I need to go check fantasy football stats for 3 hours to wash these bases and balls from my mouth and hands.

Using Logic 5

Once again, I’ve been emailed by a Logician with an important story that needs to be addressed. This particular issue has weighed heavy on my heart and I tried laying it to the side but it was again brought to my attention and therefor, it cannot be ignored. Not to mention I’m in a bad mood and going to let some one have it. As always, my email address is HatedHero11@gmail.com if you have any tips or submissions. Here’s the letter in its entirety in italics, followed by my response in bold:

Dear Logic (or should I say “Greenman” LOLz!),

Hello and thank you for fielding my letter. This is very important. I’m sorry to interrupt your hectic sports month with the Yankees being in the World Series and all…I think it’s very cool that you take the time out to answer all your fan mail from us Logicians!

Now, to get to my question. I’ve noticed that there is this big “pandemic” lately, something called “swine flu”? I guess. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not a sinner and I wouldn’t get sick like that because God loves me. I don’t know what type of evil these people have in their bodies but it is obviously very strong if something minuscule like “the flu” will kill them! Am I right? I know what you’re thinking, Logic (Ed. Note: Trust me. You have no idea). I’m not a bad person. You, your the bad person. I just need help on this issue because seeing it (and laughing) makes me think that I’m being a bad person. Anyway, here’s the video:

Now Logic, I have a few questions:

1. Is it bad to say that I would still have sex with her?
2. Is she still a good cheerleader?
3. Is it worth it just to die with the flu?
4. That black reporter seemed smug. Well, I guess that’s not a question.
5. What’s amazing about this? Does she recover? They just show her struggle.

Logic, I have many more. But I understand that your time is money and the Yankees got Sabathia on the bump. So, please get back to me whenever you get a chance.

Sincerely,
CheerFever

Dear CheerFever,

First off, that is a truly despicable pen-name for this situation. I commend you.

/swigs whiskey

I’m in no mood for any of this garbage. I’ve been having a bad few weeks because despite the Yankees in the World Series, I truly only care about Football and Notre Dame has no shot at a big bowl game. As well as the Giants losing 3 weeks in a row. I also have some personal issues that I won’t bore you with. (crowd cheers) Oh, real mature. You guys are about as cool as a bag of dicks.

Now, to get to your letter…I don’t think it is mean of you to say that you would still sex her down (Ed. Note: syndrome that is! Wakka Wakka Wakka!). I’m sure she would actually appreciate the compliment. You know her husband hasn’t given her any since she turned into a mongoloid. That guy is probably thinking about the raw deal he got. “Wow, I can’t believe I married such a hot woman who aspires to be a professional football cheerleader! What a lucky guy I am” is what I imagine he said on his wedding day. And then he cheated on her once and POW! Now he has medical bills and drooling to deal with. As for your second question, I would think that she is a bad cheerleader. She can barely gum mashed potatoes without passing out, what makes you think she can do a cartwheel? Even though she does look like she could do a cool little dance if she wanted to. Speaking of which:

I would imagine that dying of swine flu would have been a crueler fate because look, now she is being parodied on the internet and people are wondering if this is “karma” for when she made fun of the uncool kids in High School. I wish people that judge your entire life based on high school would get a disease worse than this. Something where they shit themselves a lot. Because then they’d get made fun of. That is true karma. And yes, that black reporter seemed like a smug jerkoff that likes white girls.

And lastly, I would argue that there is NOTHING amazing about this story. At all. It just seems like news media was just using her as something to scare people away from the flu shot. It’s sad. It’s sad that it happened to a fine piece of ass like that. If it happened to Clint Howard? Who cares. He probably walks around like that anyway. Or at least like Smiegel from Lord of the Rings.

 

Hurrrrrr I'm Clint Howard

But let’s be realistic. Cheerleaders are supposed to look like this:

And that broad does not look like this anymore. I think that Swine Flu is going to help our society in the long run, because since no one is working on my idea to re-animate Charles Darwin and give him a Gattling Gun so we need something to take out the assholes and retards of the universe to create a stronger race of humans. Kind of like a sidekick to colon cancer. We are the highest on the food chain, but what happens when the dinosaurs come back? Huh? Then what are you going to do, mister?

Unfaithfully Yours,

Logic.

I Have a Plan

 

God Damned Mouth Breather

It’s really real. The New York Giants are 5-3. Officially worse than the fate I predicted for them (finishing 12-4). I’m attributing much of the blame to our $106 million dollar drooling and snarling retard quarterback Eli Manning. I decided there is no way to motivate him to do well at this point. As with most of New York’s athletes, they fall off after the pay day. That’s why I usually go straight to what they care about for motivation, their family. No I’m not talking about getting someone to give them a word of encouragement and no, I’m not talking about Archie or Peyton. Not even the hapless loser, Cooper. By the way, I’m 90% that all 4 of their stupid names would be good names for an Irish Setter.

What I’m talking about is going straight after his heart. Right at his wife, Abby… Not only would she look hot handNote to my employers. If you set this place up for failure and disenfranchisement. It’s probably going to happencuffed to my radiator, made into a carpet like a bear, with jizz in her hair like Something About Mary* but I’d actually be a step up from her current situation. At least you know I can’t underachieve! Plus, I haven’t worn pants in weeks. Easy access, ladies.

 

See?

However, I digress. My plan is to become a ruthless super-villain. Soon people will love and fear me. Or fear how much the love me. Either way, it sounds perfect. My first act as a super-villain? Tie Abby Manning to the railroad tracks until Eli Manning plays up to his $106 million dollar contract or I’m stopped by a Canadian Mountie who can’t do wrong. My name? Snidely Whiplogic.

 

Curses! Foiled Again!

The End

 

 

*Really? That’s what I settled on?

Marni Phillips’ Response to Brooke Hundley’s Letter using Logic.

Welcome to Using Logic, Mr. Phillips.

 

 

 

 

Welcome back, sports-fans. The Using Logic Hotline is still open 24 hours a day at HatedHero11@gmail.com and this is where I can help you out with any issues in which you are stuck and don’t know what to do. Normally we like to keep it sports related. Other times it can be sexy. This time? It’s both. Now this may come as a shocker to you but I personally know Marni Phillips. I have known her ever since Steve was the Mets’ General Manager and they were always out and about on Long Island. While Steve and I became close, we went out to Crobar and to Scores but he also invited me to his house for the after parties and that’s where I met Marni. She was a sweetheart and we remained in touch after Steve left the Mets and went to ESPN. So to make a long story short, Marni is a reader of The Gally Blog and saw my Using Logic segment and sent me an email, this is what she said to me…

 

He Really Cheated on This Cougar…

Dear Logic,

Long time no speak! I’m sure you have heard what Steve did to me…Again! What a dick, right? I miss you. How have you been? I hear you’re a big blogger now? Well, to be honest… I’m a big fan and to be completely and totally honest, this e-mail is in regards to the Using Logic segment you do. I wanted to know if I could send me rebuttal to Brooke in a public forum and embarrass her like she embarrassed me. I’ll send it to you and you can post it if you want… Dinner and drinks soon!

XoXo,
Marni-bear
p.s. Remember when you used to call me that?!?

p.p.s. Sorry about the cheap shots at you but I HAVE read your writing… LOL!

Isn’t she a sweetheart? I haven’t seen her in a while and I think I owe it to her to say what she wants to say publicly and exclusively for The Gally Blog. I don’t mean to brag, but I do have that kind of pull around here. Here is the letter she wanted Brooke Hundley (Pictures of Her Here) to see:

Dear Whorebag,

Hi Brooke. I knew you worked with Steve. I know everything he does. Buster Olney has been spying on Steve for years. I asked him because he’s just a little guy that can crawl into spaces where Steve can’t see over his tremendous ego. I think it is quite cute that you think you are something to Steve when you were just another hole. Oh I didn’t realize that Steve would lie about having a vasectomy? Are you like 24 months pregnant??

Did you just take potshots at my marriage and the way I raised my kids? I would hope not because you look like you have a weak dumpy jaw and I learned how to punch from this blogger called Logic and he’s had to fight people his WHOLE life, mostly due to his alcoholism and big mouth. But I digress, I do agree that Steve likes being with you more. That reason? Blowjobs. His grundle smells like a dumpster.

I’m glad that you didn’t want to hurt me. You didn’t, so don’t worry. I’m glad you were raised Catholic. It is comforting to know that you will burn in Hell forever with Hitler, Pol Pot and the Jews that killed Jesus. I also think it is cute that you think you were sneaking and hiding from me. You couldn’t sneak if you were invisible. You’re the fattest, dumpiest thing I have seen since Eminem was addicted to burritos. You are more bloated than the hooker Ted Kennedy let drown in that Bay.

Lastly, I’m sorry I won’t be calling you but I did turn your number over to ever chubby chaser/black guy I know. I also added it to truck stop bathroom walls across the tri-state area. I also won’t be meeting up with you because I think I would puke. You look like you have “bacne” and you make me sick.

So I guess to sum up my response to your letter is “Shut up and die, you slam-hog whore. I’ve been fucking Logic behind Steve’s back since 2004 and Logic is hung like a Pringles can. Steve probably also has 1,000’s of STDs because Logic does and Logic can’t afford condoms so I let him eff me without them. SoOo I’d see someone if I was you. Not a doctor. I suggest a priest…”

With Love,
Marni

Well… I guess I can’t add anything to that. It was perfect. Except that I’m hung more like a tuna can. I won’t hit the G-spot, but I will fuck your walls up.

(via New York Post article in front of me.)

Update: Now With More Pictures!

Ethan Suplee is Sensitive

So I’ve been in a bad mood this week, that’s why I’ve been away from my computer. I’ve been trying to work out a lot and get my mind off of everything shitty that has happened. Let me run through the List really quickly:

1. Notre Dame Lost a close game to USC
2. the Giants lost a blowout to the Saints
3. I left the Yankee v. Angels game on Saturday and missed A-Rod’s heroics because my dad was tired
4. The Yankees lost Monday
5. I lost the possibility to win 650$ in my suicide pool because the Jets were upset by Buffalo
6. I lost a 150$ parlay to win another 450$ because the Eagles were upset by Oakland
7. I recently stubbed my toe
8. My sister sung the Britney Spears threesome song in front of me
9. I started Eddie Royal in fantasy football and his PR TD and KR TD did not count for me but counted for my opponent who started Denver’s defense/special teams
10. I had to pay 60$ rent for the same room I lived in for 21 1/2 years
11. A year ago my friend was shot in the head by guys trying to rob him.
12. Not to mention I wasn’t nearly cool enough to be at Blogs with Balls 2.0 (via Gunaxin, via WithLeather)

And remember… It’s only fucking Tuesday. So I’ve been a little testy. Not to mention the blogging community has been rubbing in all of my sports failures. My friends rub in my betting/fantasy failures. My toe hurts… You get where I’m going with this right? Logic is not a happy camper…

So I was making jokes on Twitter and expected a funny reply out of Ethan Suplee if I compared Frankie the Enforcer from Boy Meets World with Donkeylips from Salute Your Shorts. So needless to say, he got offended. So offended that he didn’t even reply to me publicly. He replied privately so I wouldn’t gain any followers or anything. Now, I could care less if a celebrity talks to me. Ever. But if they talk to me on Twitter, I can gain followers who may or may like my humor and eventually pay me for something. But noooo. Ethan Suplee is a little Sensitive Sally.

Get Out of the Bitter Barn and Come Play in the Hay!

Now, as a self proclaimed asshole, one must assume that Ethan Suplee is very sensitive about this issue and has heard it many times before. He just Direct Messaged me again saying “I won’t be sensitive if you don’t think all fat people look alike” which is pushing the 140 character maximum but at least he’s being real and not just a douche. Or maybe I’m being a douche, like usual.

Am I even THAT far off??

Here is his Direct Messages to me, Zoomed in.

Sherlock Holmes Looks Promising.

There is a new preview for Sherlock Holmes which was directed by the awesome Guy Ritchie. Guess who’s in it? Yes. Robert Downey Jr. The most amazing actor to ever read dialogue in front of a camera.

Go visit FilmDrunk for the trailer.

So you can tell this is going to be awesome with a great director and an amazing actor but when you throw in a hot chick (Rachel Mcadams) and another great actor (Jude Law) and now you have a solid cast. Not the next step in making an awesome movie is getting cool stuff for these people to do. Here’s the cool movie check list.

• Good Director
• Robert Downey Jr.
• Hot Chick
• Solid Supporting Actor
• Bulldog that they mess with?
• Colonial Times Cage Fighting?
• More fight scenes?
• Ye Old lock picking set?
• Underlining gay tone to main actors?
• Provocative hot chick moments?
• Sneaky spy movements?

The trailer had all of that. So I recommend watching it and seeing this when it comes out so the movie industry will make more stuff like this and less stuff that used to be a board game.

Rush Limbaugh to buy the Rams?

The Fat Clint Howard

While reading the newspaper at work today I saw a crazy headline. Apparently Rush Limbaugh has more money than King Midas and put in a bid to buy the once prominent now miserable franchise, the St. Louis Rams.